It's Just A Prank, Isn't It?
by PierrotRabitt
Summary: fem!Russia and England decide to put an end to America's fast-food eating habits, and they have just the plan.  Minor Cussing    No Pairings Involved


"I say we fill his burgers with maggots~"

"Don't you think that's a little extreme, even for Alfred. . ." Arthur calmly retorted – not wanting to upset the girl, he wanted to live a little longer.

"Hm... perhaps you are right... I wouldn't want to touch those disgusting creatures in the first place."

"Do you think the git would be affected by Super Size Me?"

"Do pigs fly?"

Arthur opened his mouth to respond, but decided not to, "Well, if we were to possibly make him never want to eat a burger again, going along with the basic lines of your maggot idea but replacing maggots with things that aren't as harmful."

"Hm... what about... really hot sauce?" I slumped back in my chair with a pout. "He'd probably like it..."

"He's one of the strongest countries in the world, we'd need more than that- but considering the situation. It might be preferred that I make the burgers. . . " He sat down, crossing his legs and picking up his porcelain tea cup.

I jumped out of my chair with glee "Yes! Of course! Your horrible cooking should be just enough to make him stop eating fast-food forever! Why didn't we think of this sooner?"

"Well, he's used to my cooking – any one else would be affected. Someone like Italy, but if I were to add fowl ingredients. . ." His voice trailed off, but quickly came back, "One that a normal lad wouldn't put into burgers, such as toenail clippings or hair, that will change the outcome. You're a rather dark person, " He blinked, then raised his hands up in a protective position, "In a good way though!"

"He he, I know I'm a dark person, and I'm proud of it," I giggled. "But yes, I thought the same thing." I said sitting down and looking to the left out the window, my voice monotone as I talked.

"I might be able to find something to help us" I smiled sadistically. Arthur sweat-dropped,

"I'll leave the ingredients to you then, How shall we give him the burger without him having any suspicions?"

"He he he.. . I think you should take them to him~"

"Why me?" Arthur complained.

"Just think of how suspicious it would be if I gave it to him." I reasoned. "If you don't want him to suspect you, leave it somewhere he'll eat it."

"Well I rarely do these nice things for him, but he is thick-headed. Just to be safe though, I'll use my spying abilities and find some way to get it to him."

"Perfect! I'll get the ingredients right away~" I stood up and walked into the basement. Arthur watched the white-haired girl run away,

"How come I have the feeling this prank will turn up into a bloody disaster?" He muttered to himself, sipping his precious Earl Gray.

I gracefully sauntered up the stairs, my arms filled with suspicious jars labeled in Russian.

"Here you go, follow me!" i said, moving to the kitchen Arthur placed his tea down and got up to follow Anya into the kitchen, rolling on his sleeves. He sighed,

"Do you have the hamburger meat and buns? Or will we have to make those ourselves. . . "

"I have the buns" I said, looking over my shoulder as I set the pile down "But I think it would be better if we made the hamburger meat ourselves."

"Alright then, " He smirked, now that he thought about it, maybe this prank wouldn't be too bad after all.

"Just tell me what to do!" I said, feeling Britain's excitement.

"It's a normal thing to wash your hands, to help the meal be more appealing. Yet that isn't exactly our intentions, so we can skip out." He instructed.

"Got it! I cant believe I'm still not used to cooking, even though everyone's gone and I have to do it myself." Arthur raised an eyebrow- or at least one of those layers of facial hair that was placed above his eyes.

"I just usually make macaroni and cheese~ So sorry if I'm no good at it" He smiled,

" It's OK, as previously stated, it's not our intentions to make it taste good, and you're already well aware of my lack of cooking skills." I smiled in return, but it was sort of sad,

"Yeah, well lets start!"

Arthur used his hands to shape the meat, adding loads of garlic, he wore goggles on his forehead in case the stench became to overwhelming. I laughed at how serious he looked, and followed whatever he ordered me to do. Once in a while, Arthur would drop the meat on the floor and add lint he found on the coach. He turned his attention to Anya,

" Any ideas?" I let out a long hum as I searched through the pile.

"Aha! here it is~" I pulled out the most suspicious jar in the pile, and poured it in the mix before Arthur could see it. "Ahaha~" 

"What was that?" Arthur blinked.

"Nothing~ Don't worry, it wont hurt him~" I added a "too much" under my breath. Luckily, the personification for the United Kingdom didn't hear her last comment and began to cook the meat to a burning point. I sighed quietly in relief and continued to add various jars to the mix.

"He he, do you think we're done?" Arthur smirked, looking at the horrid mess of a burger that lie in front of them,

"I wouldn't appose." Arthur commented. I smiled brightly,

"This should do the trick~" I went to take the rest of the jars back to the basement. The dirty blonde began to wrap the burger in paper and plastic, to make the burger seem more promising, he took out a yellow highlighter and drew a curvy "M" on the covering for the burger and the brown lunch bag where he would place the burger afterward.

" The wanker probably won't even notice the difference." He stated proudly. I ran back up the stairs,

"You ready~"

"Mhm~" The Brit took out his cellular phone and dialed Alfred's number- forgetting that he was on speed dial. He waited for the American to pick up as he held up the poisonous food, smirking. Arthur jumped when he heard that screeching laugh that was able to be heard through the phone very clearly, although not on speaker.

"What'd ya want, Iggy?" Arthur's eyebrows twitched in frustration,

"Don't call me that." He lectured, sure enough Alfred wasn't listening to him. Arthur sighed,

"Listen, I feel bad. I rarely do anything nice for you, and your birthday's coming up – but I'm still not going to that. So I figured I might as well give you something to make up for it and the other times I haven't given you a gift except for maybe a punch in the face," I giggled, "So I bought you some of that fowl MC. Donald's or whatever you call it, I'll bring it over to you in about 5 minutes - if you aren't busy, but I presume you aren't since you never seem to get any bloody work done anyways."

"Yeah, sure! Bring it over, I was just about to go out to eat! Ahahahaha! Just don't jinx the amazing flavor with your horrible cooking skills!"

"He he. . . Yeah, sure" Arthur said with a hint of sarcasm that Alfred couldn't seem to get. He then hung up the phone and gave Anya a thumbs up, "He feel for it."

"Yes! I can finally get him back for the Cold War! I mean what?" Arthur smiled and laughed,

"Well I best bring it to him before he gets impatient and decides to go out by himself after all."

"Yeah! good luck~" Arthur walked out the door and began to roam the streets, walking over to Alfred's house. He'd just drop it off and then walk around the house and spy on him, he better be sure to record the American's reaction to eating it for Anya, so she wouldn't be upset if she missed it. He knocked on his door, only for it to open within seconds to reveal the young blonde, his blue eyes shining with excitement.

" Thank God you came early! I was about to either go out looking for you or go out to MC. Donald's myself!" Alfred grabbed Arthur's hand and pulled him inside like the childish kid he was, Arthur handed him the lunch bag and watched as the American emptied out it's contents,

"What about the toy?" He whined. _Really? You have to be bloody KIDDING me!_ Arthur thought to himself. He secretly took out his phone to text Anya about the predicament he was currently in and he kindly asked her if she would get a small toy for him to make it more believable, he also promised to pay her back later – after the plan.


End file.
